I think you guys recall the message I received where my knight in shining armor offered me the fairest pony in all the land, etc
Well I didn't give you the full story. I responded and said "Nope, not a princess."
He promptly wrote this in return
"You're not a princess, you're a troublemaker!
what have you been up to lately? Some friends came to visit, so I took them to a new club I wanted to try. The DJ was great, but I had to spend most of the night stopping 50 year old men from hitting on my friend's little sister! Haha, won't be going back there again!"
After this...interesting message I went ahead and wrote back that I was not too much of a troublemaker either.
He then said:
"have any getaways planned? Had some friends over last night to discuss where we're going this year. Might try Italy again.
Went there a few years ago and the girl I was traveling with managed to get stuck in a toilet in a station in the middle of nowhere. The only person around was the woman in the ticket booth and she didn't speak ANY English! You wouldn't believe how hard it is to mime 'my friend is stuck in a toilet' without getting yourself arrested!"
These messages were all sent a month ago with no further contact...until tonight, out of the blue he writes:
sweet, charming, gorgeous, lovable...but enough about me, what mischief have you been stirring up?
Should I give him points for perseverance?
4.29.2010
4.25.2010
Sexiness
I just finished Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen. It's a memoir about a woman (raised Mennonite, duh) whose bipolar verbally abusive husband leaves her for a man. She spends time reconnecting with her family, culture, blah blah...
I came across this paragraph about sexiness near the end of the book and agreed with it thoroughly so thought I'd share it with all of you:
In my opinion, sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants. If the sparks don't fly from the beginning, they never will. If he doesn't get your sense of humor from the first conversation, you'll always be secretly looking for someone else who does. And if a guy can't see restaurant servers as real people, with needs and dreams and crappy jobs, then I don't want to be with him, even if he just won the Pulitzer Prize.
I came across this paragraph about sexiness near the end of the book and agreed with it thoroughly so thought I'd share it with all of you:
In my opinion, sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants. If the sparks don't fly from the beginning, they never will. If he doesn't get your sense of humor from the first conversation, you'll always be secretly looking for someone else who does. And if a guy can't see restaurant servers as real people, with needs and dreams and crappy jobs, then I don't want to be with him, even if he just won the Pulitzer Prize.
4.23.2010
Turn-off: Self-importance
This guy seemed intelligent, sarcastic, and not too bland.
In our first IM convo he said "well you're sane, educated, and direct....why are you on here and not swept up already?"
I responded that I've been asking myself the same question.
The 3rd day of our IM convos he asked if I had finals coming up. I said I did but I'd soon be done...until grad school.
SI: haha i tested out of grad school, never saw a day in the classroom haha however the political science degree was a lot of tests, but the urban development degree was a lot of papers
and studies of innercity developments and so on so like presentations and projects
very few things worse in life than group projects
me:yeah theyre a particular hatred of mine
SI: theyre a huge hatred of mine
especially when you give one to the entire city council of los angeles including the mayor
and the mayor interrupts you and you reply "excuse me I'm talking now, so you be quiet"
and then it gets shown on kcal9los angeles news haha
me:unhunh
SI: but it was a perfect city to study urban development
me:yeah
SI:perfect mix of wackos, insane people, and politicians
me:i bet
SI:hence why i left
and many many other reasons
me:fair enough
SI: ahahaha
i always love that response
its a general out for
"Ok i disagree"
which is why i find it so amusing
me:I think of it as more neutral
(OR BECAUSE I WAS SO FUCKING BORED WITH THIS CONVERSATION THAT I COULDNT THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER TO SAY, YOU POMPOUS ASS!)
SI:of course cuz we wouldnt want to sway one way or another and risk offending anyone
I don't know about you, readers, but I don't find somebody tooting their own horn like that very appealing. And I didn't care much for his sarcasm at the end about not being more opinionated...
In our first IM convo he said "well you're sane, educated, and direct....why are you on here and not swept up already?"
I responded that I've been asking myself the same question.
The 3rd day of our IM convos he asked if I had finals coming up. I said I did but I'd soon be done...until grad school.
SI: haha i tested out of grad school, never saw a day in the classroom haha however the political science degree was a lot of tests, but the urban development degree was a lot of papers
and studies of innercity developments and so on so like presentations and projects
very few things worse in life than group projects
me:yeah theyre a particular hatred of mine
SI: theyre a huge hatred of mine
especially when you give one to the entire city council of los angeles including the mayor
and the mayor interrupts you and you reply "excuse me I'm talking now, so you be quiet"
and then it gets shown on kcal9los angeles news haha
me:unhunh
SI: but it was a perfect city to study urban development
me:yeah
SI:perfect mix of wackos, insane people, and politicians
me:i bet
SI:hence why i left
and many many other reasons
me:fair enough
SI: ahahaha
i always love that response
its a general out for
"Ok i disagree"
which is why i find it so amusing
me:I think of it as more neutral
(OR BECAUSE I WAS SO FUCKING BORED WITH THIS CONVERSATION THAT I COULDNT THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER TO SAY, YOU POMPOUS ASS!)
SI:of course cuz we wouldnt want to sway one way or another and risk offending anyone
I don't know about you, readers, but I don't find somebody tooting their own horn like that very appealing. And I didn't care much for his sarcasm at the end about not being more opinionated...
ko00ol and cray nites in London
Guest post from Hannah:
While I was abroad in London, I thought it would be cool to join the London Facebook network. This turned out to be a not so great idea as every now and then, some creepy guy would try and friend me. And then, in December, towards the end of my stay there, a very special man messaged me this gem:
"looking for sumone .. who is up for cray nites.. loves parties.. and knows how to have fun at any moment.. have some nice wine to vodka.. to smokey... sum1 who loves life and enjoys it without any issues.. ....simply ko00ol..... i am ko0ool and i am sure bout dat.. ..love my life.. parties on the level... .. work.. TRAVELLIN....anything comes to mind and feels like ... never bored.and neither will u be.."
Needless to say, I did not meet this distinguished gentleman, but his words continue to inspire me to this day to enjoy "cray nites" and remain "ko00ol."
While I was abroad in London, I thought it would be cool to join the London Facebook network. This turned out to be a not so great idea as every now and then, some creepy guy would try and friend me. And then, in December, towards the end of my stay there, a very special man messaged me this gem:
"looking for sumone .. who is up for cray nites.. loves parties.. and knows how to have fun at any moment.. have some nice wine to vodka.. to smokey... sum1 who loves life and enjoys it without any issues.. ....simply ko00ol..... i am ko0ool and i am sure bout dat.. ..love my life.. parties on the level... .. work.. TRAVELLIN....anything comes to mind and feels like ... never bored.and neither will u be.."
Needless to say, I did not meet this distinguished gentleman, but his words continue to inspire me to this day to enjoy "cray nites" and remain "ko00ol."
Generic
Message from a 31 year old man who looks 45. I'm pretty sure he just cuts and pastes the same thing to multiple people:
Hello
The truth is as I look threw profiles the first thig that makes me look at them are the pic's. If I think someone is good looking I read there profile and if I like what I read I send them a msg. I like to think I'm a good guy and I am some what picky about who I date because of my son. He is the greatest thing ever and anyone I date must be willing to except him and love him as well as me. Now that thats out of the way. Hi I like your profile, I think your cute and Interesting... I like to work out although i do not do it near as much as i should. I'm a movie ( off the subject thought, did u shower naked ? i shower naked...just so u know) junky. I watch way to many. I even like chick flicks as well as the blow them up stuff. My friends tell me I'm funny,.. well maybe a little. Anyways enought about me how about you?... O i am Jesse by the way.
P.S stop thinking of me naked in the shower we have not even talked yet gee's
Hello
The truth is as I look threw profiles the first thig that makes me look at them are the pic's. If I think someone is good looking I read there profile and if I like what I read I send them a msg. I like to think I'm a good guy and I am some what picky about who I date because of my son. He is the greatest thing ever and anyone I date must be willing to except him and love him as well as me. Now that thats out of the way. Hi I like your profile, I think your cute and Interesting... I like to work out although i do not do it near as much as i should. I'm a movie ( off the subject thought, did u shower naked ? i shower naked...just so u know) junky. I watch way to many. I even like chick flicks as well as the blow them up stuff. My friends tell me I'm funny,.. well maybe a little. Anyways enought about me how about you?... O i am Jesse by the way.
P.S stop thinking of me naked in the shower we have not even talked yet gee's
I'm told I eat pussy like a lesbian.
Bi-sexual male from Chicago. I cut out most of his profile that had to do with how he loves to translate poetry into 300 different languages. I just wanted to share how much some people put themselves out there on the internet. I wonder what kind of people respond to them.
My Self-Summary
Much of my life revolves around sex. No, that doesn't just mean I'm horny. I am by nature promiscuous, voracious and flirtatious. I love giving orgasms and I love turning folk on. Sex and sexuality are an integral part of my life and the way I relate to the world. I'm the sort of man who will offer to perform oral sex on you just because you seem like a sexy person and expect nothing whatsoever by way of reciprocation (though it would certainly be welcome.) I'd rather reenact the complete works of Stephen King than lose my libido.
And I am a feminist. My feminism, in fact, like my sexual personality is more than simply an idea or a sentiment. It is another key part of my identity. Because of my peculiar upbringing in an environment with somewhat unusual gender roles, I have a fairly feminist sexual pathology. Indomitable, independent women are sexier than anything. I think Louise Labé, Lou Salomé, Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz, Forough Farrokhzad, Hypatia of Alexandria, Princess Arachidamia, Zenobia, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Cathy Davis, Miss Rani Lakshmibai of Jhansi and Simone de Beauvoir all rank among the sexiest women ever to exist.
I am easily aroused.
And I am a feminist. My feminism, in fact, like my sexual personality is more than simply an idea or a sentiment. It is another key part of my identity. Because of my peculiar upbringing in an environment with somewhat unusual gender roles, I have a fairly feminist sexual pathology. Indomitable, independent women are sexier than anything. I think Louise Labé, Lou Salomé, Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz, Forough Farrokhzad, Hypatia of Alexandria, Princess Arachidamia, Zenobia, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Cathy Davis, Miss Rani Lakshmibai of Jhansi and Simone de Beauvoir all rank among the sexiest women ever to exist.
I am easily aroused.
The first things people usually notice about me
The fact that their mom seems to be enjoying herself rather thoroughly and that they should therefore leave us to continue our business. Or perhaps that I'm babbling about something that bores them.
The most hilarious compliment anyone's ever given me:
You're like detective Munch from Law & Order, only not as Jewish and with a bigger penis
-An Old Fuck Buddy
The most hilarious compliment anyone's ever given me:
You're like detective Munch from Law & Order, only not as Jewish and with a bigger penis
-An Old Fuck Buddy
The six things I could never do without
Poetry
Sex
My Laptop
Exercise
Intelligent people
Magnum XLs
וַתַּעְגְּבָה, עַל פִּלַגְשֵׁיהֶם, אֲשֶׁר בְּשַׂר-חֲמוֹרִים בְּשָׂרָם, וְזִרְמַת סוּסִים זִרְמָתָם.
(There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.)
-Ezekiel [23:20]
Sex
My Laptop
Exercise
Intelligent people
Magnum XLs
וַתַּעְגְּבָה, עַל פִּלַגְשֵׁיהֶם, אֲשֶׁר בְּשַׂר-חֲמוֹרִים בְּשָׂרָם, וְזִרְמַת סוּסִים זִרְמָתָם.
(There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.)
-Ezekiel [23:20]
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
I once fucked a pastor on the floor of a seminary classroom. And oh damn it was good.
I'm told I eat pussy like a lesbian.
I have no gag reflex.
I'm told I eat pussy like a lesbian.
I have no gag reflex.
Lines that don't work on me
1. Your eyes are like the ocean, I just got lost in them.
2. Heya toots, how do your feet smell?
3. just trying to think of something clever or charming to say. I guess you just have me at a loss for words.
2. Heya toots, how do your feet smell?
3. just trying to think of something clever or charming to say. I guess you just have me at a loss for words.
U r a princess, right?
My bad...
Hey, I'm sure you have been wondering where I have been all your life. Sorry I got held up rescuing damsels in distress, slaying dragons, freeing captured unicorns and then of course I got turned into a frog there for a bit. So sorry it took this long to get in touch with you. I'll make sure you have the fairest pony in all the kingdom and don't even get me started on the tiara :-)ps. you are a princess right?
Things I've been called by strangers...
Cutie
Sexy
Hun
Toots
Gangsta
Word to the wise, I've never continued conversations with any of those people.
Sexy
Hun
Toots
Gangsta
Word to the wise, I've never continued conversations with any of those people.
We're All Sexual Beings
After Mini DJ turned out to be a dud, albeit a hilarious dud, I signed up for okcupid.com
It's free, interactive with questions and quizzes so it seemed like fun.
One of the first guys who messaged me was tall, not unattractive, and interested. I figured it was worth a shot.
We made small talk for a couple days. He started ranting one day about politics. The below is an approximation of the conversation that followed:
me: don't rant too much can't be good for your health
tall photographer: i can think of a better way to vent, masturbation
me: sure, i agree
tp: even better is sex with someone else so you can share your joy
me: okay...i guess so, im a sexual being too blah blah
tp: no shame in being a sexual being. my last girlfriend sure wasnt
me: ok...
tp: she would have sex, but no BJs. apparently for her a dick in the pussy was good enough cause she didnt have to look at it
gross. blocked him. the end.
It's free, interactive with questions and quizzes so it seemed like fun.
One of the first guys who messaged me was tall, not unattractive, and interested. I figured it was worth a shot.
We made small talk for a couple days. He started ranting one day about politics. The below is an approximation of the conversation that followed:
me: don't rant too much can't be good for your health
tall photographer: i can think of a better way to vent, masturbation
me: sure, i agree
tp: even better is sex with someone else so you can share your joy
me: okay...i guess so, im a sexual being too blah blah
tp: no shame in being a sexual being. my last girlfriend sure wasnt
me: ok...
tp: she would have sex, but no BJs. apparently for her a dick in the pussy was good enough cause she didnt have to look at it
gross. blocked him. the end.
Mini DJ, blu ray, and webcaming
One young man sent me a message on Match asking for my sn. I gave it to him and we started chatting.
Background info:
Listed as 5'6", which is how tall I am, I try not to be heightist but after Derek I am wary of short men.
His favorite things to do: beat, board, chill...
He was kind of cute and seemed potentially interesting so I gave it a shot.
Lauren dubbed him Mini DJ due to his height and interest in "beats"
In our first convo he mentioned he was about to run some errands so I asked "anything fun or just run of the mill stuff?" and he replied "nope"
I should've known then that this wasn't going to go well.
Later that night he IMed me again. We made small talk, I told him I was hanging out with a friend. etc
Out of the blue he says "come blu ray a movie on my movie screen!"
I understand he meant for me to come over and watch a movie but who the hell says it like that??? Lauren suggested I respond with a random string of words "yeah baby lets go keyboard a computer desktop"
me: what?
mini dj: come chill I'm bored, lol
me: hanging with a friend
mini dj: ahh k. sorry was that to upfront of an invite? lol. i mean, i figure what better way to get to know you, then meet you?
me: I was confused at first but yeah it's late and I don't know you :-)
Then later that same night
mini dj: feel like webcaming?
I told him I didn't have one (that's a lie, but eww)
mini dj: ohh, you should get one. it's kewl. like spelling cool kewl...kewl. seriously though you should get one.
Another night I was online while babysitting. When I told him I was babysitting he was disappointed because he was "gonna ask me out for drinks or something" He asked a few times "are you sure you arent having a party where ur babysitting" and saying "wont the kids be asleep by 11"
Gross. A) No. B) I don't invite strangers over when parents entrust me with their children.
The last time I spoke to Mini DJ I had a few drinks and was acting dumb and intoxicated to see what I could get him to say. Everything below is typed just how it appeared in our IM convo
me: how goes it?
mini dj: pretty good. got but by a dog today. but im good. you?
me: good I've been drinking
mini dj: oh really? well you should bring me a drink yoo
me: get your own, greedy
mini dj: lol. pleh. whatcha drinking? ahh im falling asleep. entertain me hun.
me: whiskey sours. wake up!
mini dj: didnt work. i think you need to come in perosn. preson. dam. person. lol.
me: 3rd times a charm
mini dj: but 4 reals
me: I'm out with a friend :-(
mini dj: ahh. nice. where u at?
me: some place off woodward
mini dj: what place?
me: I don't know lol. a little buzzed, oops.
mini dj: lol. cum be buzzed w/ me!
me: can't drive lol
mini dj: i can. if i move im mad comfy right now.
me: well ur comfy don't worry bout it
mini dj: i want to be comfy with you though
me: lol
mini dj: im just trying to say, i think WE work. will work icely together :-)
me: how do you figure
mini dj: your nice and im nice
me: is that enough?
mini dj: for a start. hrartheart.
me: ?
mini dj: i dono. im too tired.
me: go to sleep?
mini dj: waiting 4 u though
me: I'll see you in my dreams ;-)
mini dj: make dreams a reality. i dono. i like you.
me:you hardly know me
mini dj: lol from what i know. and your really cute in ur pics.
Background info:
Listed as 5'6", which is how tall I am, I try not to be heightist but after Derek I am wary of short men.
His favorite things to do: beat, board, chill...
He was kind of cute and seemed potentially interesting so I gave it a shot.
Lauren dubbed him Mini DJ due to his height and interest in "beats"
In our first convo he mentioned he was about to run some errands so I asked "anything fun or just run of the mill stuff?" and he replied "nope"
I should've known then that this wasn't going to go well.
Later that night he IMed me again. We made small talk, I told him I was hanging out with a friend. etc
Out of the blue he says "come blu ray a movie on my movie screen!"
I understand he meant for me to come over and watch a movie but who the hell says it like that??? Lauren suggested I respond with a random string of words "yeah baby lets go keyboard a computer desktop"
me: what?
mini dj: come chill I'm bored, lol
me: hanging with a friend
mini dj: ahh k. sorry was that to upfront of an invite? lol. i mean, i figure what better way to get to know you, then meet you?
me: I was confused at first but yeah it's late and I don't know you :-)
Then later that same night
mini dj: feel like webcaming?
I told him I didn't have one (that's a lie, but eww)
mini dj: ohh, you should get one. it's kewl. like spelling cool kewl...kewl. seriously though you should get one.
Another night I was online while babysitting. When I told him I was babysitting he was disappointed because he was "gonna ask me out for drinks or something" He asked a few times "are you sure you arent having a party where ur babysitting" and saying "wont the kids be asleep by 11"
Gross. A) No. B) I don't invite strangers over when parents entrust me with their children.
The last time I spoke to Mini DJ I had a few drinks and was acting dumb and intoxicated to see what I could get him to say. Everything below is typed just how it appeared in our IM convo
me: how goes it?
mini dj: pretty good. got but by a dog today. but im good. you?
me: good I've been drinking
mini dj: oh really? well you should bring me a drink yoo
me: get your own, greedy
mini dj: lol. pleh. whatcha drinking? ahh im falling asleep. entertain me hun.
me: whiskey sours. wake up!
mini dj: didnt work. i think you need to come in perosn. preson. dam. person. lol.
me: 3rd times a charm
mini dj: but 4 reals
me: I'm out with a friend :-(
mini dj: ahh. nice. where u at?
me: some place off woodward
mini dj: what place?
me: I don't know lol. a little buzzed, oops.
mini dj: lol. cum be buzzed w/ me!
me: can't drive lol
mini dj: i can. if i move im mad comfy right now.
me: well ur comfy don't worry bout it
mini dj: i want to be comfy with you though
me: lol
mini dj: im just trying to say, i think WE work. will work icely together :-)
me: how do you figure
mini dj: your nice and im nice
me: is that enough?
mini dj: for a start. hrartheart.
me: ?
mini dj: i dono. im too tired.
me: go to sleep?
mini dj: waiting 4 u though
me: I'll see you in my dreams ;-)
mini dj: make dreams a reality. i dono. i like you.
me:you hardly know me
mini dj: lol from what i know. and your really cute in ur pics.
Beginnings
Last year a friend and I joined Match.com out of morbid curiosity. We thought we'd see what all the hype was about...couldn't hurt, right?
She didn't find anything worthwhile and continued dating the man she met offline.
I, however, had a whirlwind..."datemance" with the infamous Derek; short, gymnastics coach, jerk.
After that regrettable relationship I left the online dating world.
Until a couple months ago when a cute, interesting guy sent me a "wink" on Match. Basically the equivalent of poke on Facebook...if you only poked strangers you wanted to date and/or have casual sex with.
I got back on Match to communicate with this guy, after one IM conversation we stopped chatting.
But this was the move that prompted me to give meeting someone online another try.
She didn't find anything worthwhile and continued dating the man she met offline.
I, however, had a whirlwind..."datemance" with the infamous Derek; short, gymnastics coach, jerk.
After that regrettable relationship I left the online dating world.
Until a couple months ago when a cute, interesting guy sent me a "wink" on Match. Basically the equivalent of poke on Facebook...if you only poked strangers you wanted to date and/or have casual sex with.
I got back on Match to communicate with this guy, after one IM conversation we stopped chatting.
But this was the move that prompted me to give meeting someone online another try.
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